|Hilarious parodies of Broadway musicals you know and love!|
ONE-LINER JEWISH JOKES
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that it is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
There's big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie? It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes."
What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position? Facing Tiffany's.
When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
A Jewish boy come home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful? What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "You go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Where does the Jewish husband hide his money from his wife? Under the vacuum cleaner.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go."
A Jewish telegram: "Start worrying. Details to follow."
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no
Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.
My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would
be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated
one to be
crazy and amuse the breast beaters. By the time I was five I knew
I was that one.
The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and skullcap
will not bar a man from the White House, unless, of course, the man is
Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If
you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are
God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose somebody
else for a change?
The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served
us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us 40 years
into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East
that has no oil!
Even a secret agent can't lie to a Jewish mother.
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and
then don't say it.
Don't be humble; you are not that great.
God will pardon me. It's His business.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in 14 days
I had lost exactly two weeks.
Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your
pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
A spoken contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Everybody likes a kidder but nobody loans him money
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless
I buy something.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes
Too bad that all the people who know how to run this country are busy
driving taxis and cutting hair.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
I don't want any yes-men around me I want everybody to tell me the truth,
even if it costs them their jobs.
Television is a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
With the collapse of vaudeville, new talent has no place to stink.
When I bore people at a party, they think it is their fault.