Minor Jewish Holidays

SUKKOT: The harvest festival. This Jewish holiday commemorates the 40 years the Jews wandered in the desert living in tents. It also reminds us that, except for Sukkot when we’re supposed to reside in the sukkah (temporary tent-type thing), Jews shouldn’t camp. Well, maybe if you have a luxurious motor home . . . maybe if you rough it in a junior suite at the Four Seasons. Anyway, we pray and wave vegetables around in shul. By the way, Thanksgiving was basically taken from Sukkot.

SIMCHAT TORAH: It means rejoicing in the Torah. It’s the Jewish holiday where we finish reading the Torah and then start all over again. Sounds crazy, no? We dance around in shul holding Torahs (don’t drop them!!) and in general have a great old time.

TU B’SHEVAT: A Jewish holiday popularized by the little-known Moshe Shakespearskovitz who once said “Tu B’Shevat or Not Tu B’Shevat? Is that a qvestion?” Luckily this is one of the Jewish holidays I feel comfortable joking about since it’s the New Year for Trees. Did I mention that the Jewish calendar has several different new years? Another confusing thing about being Jewish. I’m starting to understand why there aren’t that many of us. This holiday is not actually mentioned in the Torah and there’s only one reference in the Mishnah so who even knows how it became a holiday? We eat a new fruit and plant trees on this holiday.

THE COUNTING OF THE OMER: Most of you don’t know about this Jewish holiday. You see, way back when Jews still had royal titles, an Arabic guy named Omer was made a Jewish Count because of his love of the Jewish people and his great talent for making clothes for the Big and Tall shops back then. OK so I’m lying. We count the days between the second night of Passover and the night before Shavu’ot, when we received the Torah. During this period, which is a partial mourning period, we are not to have weddings, parties or dinners with dancing. Also, no haircuts. So you can see it’s not lots of fun around Jews during this period. It’s possible that the Beatles got the inspiration for their famous haircuts during the counting of the omer. On the 33rd day of the counting it’s Lag b’Omer. All prohibitions are suspended for the day so if you’re trying to get a haircut appointment on Lag b’Omer good luck. But if you want to party . . . after Lag b’Omer, there are still 16 days to go until Shavu’ot.

SHAVU’OT: This Jewish holiday commemorates when G-d gave the Jewish people the Torah. It’s quite the festive occasion with a celebration sometimes held outdoors to simulate the giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai. We try to study the Torah on this day and continue trying to figure out what it all means.

TISHA B’AV: I can’t really make any jokes about this Jewish holiday. It’s a pretty serious one. It commemorates the many tragedies that have befallen the Jewish people. It started with the destruction of the first two Temples in Jerusalem, coincidentally both occurring on the ninth of Av. Also, the expulsion of the Jews from Spain occurred on the ninth of Av. It’s a fasting Jewish holiday, like Yom Kippur.

MINOR FASTS: As if! OK here they are . . . The Fast of Gedaliah, The Fast of Tevet, The Fast of Esther, The Fast of the Firstborn, The Fast of Tammuz.

And that wraps it up for the Jewish Holidays. Any questions, ask your Rabbi. Or I’d be happy to try to enlighten you further. Email me at meshugenehmike@sillymusic.com.