Jewish Calendar

When we talk about the Jewish calendar let’s first talk lunar . . . there are 600-plus commandments for Jews to follow (somewhere in the high 500s is the commandment “Thou shalt not use a public bathroom and if you do, line the toilet”).

Who can keep track? Then on top of that, the Rabbis decided on a lunar Jewish calendar. The problem is that there are 12.4 lunar months each year. So, for example, Passover, a spring holiday, would occur 11 or so days earlier each year until it was a winter, then a fall, then a summer . . . you get the idea.

So, to fix this, we add a second month—Adar— every so often. Hillel II established a fixed Jewish calendar in the 4th century BCE but we still have to add another Adar every couple of years. It’s like a leap year, except we add a month instead of a day. Confused yet?

By the way, so Yom Kippur shouldn’t fall on Shabbat, we also jiggle Cheshvan and Kislev around a bissel. It’s not confusing enough to be Jewish and wonder how in 5,764 years of history there are still only 14 million of us, we also have to figure out when Hanukkah is. Of course, it’s the same day each year . . . the 25th of Kislev. But who’s counting?

Now for numbering the Jewish calendar. To explain, 5,764 years ago the world was created by Hashem. But of course the first few days probably weren’t days as we know them. After all, the sun wasn’t created until day four. So how would anyone know what’s a day? So we’re a little loose on the counting of the first few days. Possible those days took a few million years. Talk about a long day at the office.

I remember an old Hebrew school joke. At that time we were around 5724. So we mulled over the fact that the Jewish calendar was 5724 and the Chinese calendar was 4661. So what did Jews eat on Sunday for the first 1063 years?

Now let’s talk AD and BC. AD is Anno Domino, no not the game, the year of our L-rd. Just not OUR L-rd. So we say C.E., common or Christian era. And BC? Before Christ. Another domi-no-no. We say B.C.E., before the common or Christian era. We’re such a fair-minded group.

The Jewish calendar months. Nissan is the first one. Didn’t realize that we had Nissan’s way before Japan, did you? Nissan is when Passover occurs, in the spring. You might have thought Nissan would occur at Rosh Hashanah, the New Year. That would be way too easy for us. No . . . Rosh Hashanah is in the seventh month, of course. Then there’s Iyar, Sivan, Tammuz, Av, Elul, Tishri, Cheshvan, Kislev, Tevet, Shevat, Adar, and the ever popular though somewhat elusive Adar II.

There will be a quiz on this later.