The Story:
Jerome Schwartzberg has a horrible dream (JEROME’S NIGHTMARE). All of the great events of his Jewish life up to now swirl around in a nightmarish collage of aggravation and tsuris. From his bris to his college expectations — or I should say his parents’ expectations. He wakes up in a cold sweat. He was not meant to be Jewish. So . . . he decides to become a Goy.

He knows exactly what he wants in a woman (THE SHIKSA SONG). And he sets out to find her. He goes to his parents’ house for dinner and is about to tell them his plan, but can’t bring himself to do it. Instead he talks about moving to Illinois. No, not Chicago. Decatur. His parents can’t believe he’s saying that. There aren’t many Jews in Decatur. And probably no good Chinese restaurants. And the lox? Oyshkk!! They ask him why he can’t be more like Mitchell (WHY CAN’T YOU BE LIKE YOUR BROTHER?).

Jerome leaves even more convinced that he’s making the right choice. He wanders into a very expensive collection of stores and bumps into Jennifer Hellman. He’s stunned. She’s everything he’s ever wanted in a woman. And she even seems attracted to him. It’s a mechiah. I mean, a miracle. They go for a nosh . . . I mean, something to eat at the deli . . . The Plaza. Anyway, all seems to be going well (NO SHMO). Jerome asks her to the theater and dinner. She agrees. Heaven!! Uncle Lou summons Jerome for a serious talk at his Fruit and Vegetable Warehouse downtown. He’s heard about Jerome’s interest in Jennifer (BUSHEL MIT A PECK). He’s not happy, but gives Jerome the benefit of the doubt. Then he calls on Aunt Reggie (no relation), the Matchmaker. She’s got to find him a nice Jewish girl, and soon. Not to worry, Reggie will take care of everything (REGGIE’S PLAN).

Meanwhile, Jerome is on cloud nine (cloud six with the discount), and imagines what his life would be like as a Goy (GOYS AND DOLLS). But he’s not sure he’s quite ready. Things are going well . . . well, pretty well with Jerome and Jennifer. It’s time to meet the parents (SHIKSA MONTAGE). But despite the less-than-warm reception from both sides, Jerome and Jennifer are falling in love and she’s even learning a bit of Yiddish, but is that a good thing? (IF YOU KNEW HOW TO KVELL).

Back at the family, they’re on major shpilkes. Aunt Reggie has to come through!! She says she’s on top of it and not to worry (WIN HIM AWAY/FROM ARIELS TO PEARLS). Jerome and Jennifer are getting deeper and deeper into their relationship when finally Aunt Reggie has a candidate. Deborah Levine. She’s attractive, smart, fun, funny, a lawyer even!! And she can cook. The perfect girl to win Jerome’s heart (DEB’S GOT DEGREES). But after Uncle Lou and Jerome’s Dad leave, Reggie has a moment of uncertainty (REGGIE’S PLAN [REPRISE]).

On the home front, Jerome’s Mom invites him over for a nice Shabbat dinner without Jennifer. He agrees to go. This doesn’t make Jennifer very happy at all. They have a very heated discussion but Jerome tells Jennifer she shouldn’t ever try to come between him and his mother. “Remember, I’m not really a Goy.” Jennifer storms out and Jerome heads over to his Mother’s house. She pleads with him to just meet Deborah once. Just once (GEFILTE FISH). He agrees. Word spreads quickly throughout the family that next Friday Deborah’s making dinner for Jerome. There’s lots of excitement and nervousness (HOPE HE LIKES DEBBIE TONIGHT). Finally, we meet Deborah.

She’s everything Aunt Reggie promised and more. But Reggie’s on major shpilkes hoping it all works out. Debbie’s completely confident. After all, she’s Debbie Levine (NO SHPILKES). The big night arrives. Jerome knocks on Debbie’s door. She opens it. He’s enchanted immediately and as he’s going in, Uncle Lou comes off the elevator. He’s brought dessert. He barges into the apartment to check things out, just to make sure everything’s OK (LOOK HOW HER MATZO BALLS FLOAT). The night is a spectacular success once Uncle Lou leaves. Debbie and Jerome hit it off perfectly.

The next day, the family grapevine is alive with excitement (EVERYTHING WENT SO WELL). Aunt Reggie’s even found a nice gentile boy for Jennifer. Happy ending . . .what? You expected an unhappy one? Jerome realizes he’s exactly where he should have been all along, steeping himself in his roots, his tradition (GOYS AND DOLLS [REPRISE]).

The music of “Guys and Dolls” mixed with Michael Lange’s heartwarming story and inventive, irreverent and always-clever lyrics make an irresistible combination. “You’ll Laugh, You’ll Cry” — Enjoy!!!

Meshugeneh Mike

(Oh, and there's a Yiddish Dictionary in case you need it.)